Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
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I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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