Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
A bitchslap is in order.
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