your parents love me but you hate me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
