I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
