Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
