He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Found your dick twin last night
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
