I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
