waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
