we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
