just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
