the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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