and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
