OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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