i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
