She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
