Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
