i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
