I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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