did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
