oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
