A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
