Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize