Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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