Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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