I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
