respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Panties = found
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
