I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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