It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
