he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
