guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he fucked my hip out of place.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just high enough for therapy.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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