this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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