At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
