anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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