after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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