he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
