So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
