im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
