do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
