Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Bring me that man meat
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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