well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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