I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
