i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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