Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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