I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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