Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
