Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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