Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize