New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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