Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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