You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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