Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
