I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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