so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I party with great urgency now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
