hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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