I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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