I murdered the dance floor call the cops
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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