We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
