Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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