so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my shit smells like andre
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
