It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
