Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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