You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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