Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
