those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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