I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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