cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
