At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
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we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
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Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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