The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
