Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
