Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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