i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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