You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
